A time to wait...

It's Almost been a year! Time has flown since I have decided to go to South Asia this August. oh my how things have changed! Sometimes time seems to be going slowly that I think i will die of slowness and other times so quickly that I can hardly catch my breath. Right now though, it feels like a long time of waiting.

To think that a year ago from today I wrestled with God and had no idea what was to come. A year later I find myself still wrestling- not with what is to next and not to the same extent but about hte how and why. Why would the Lord me to go? I don't know except for his abundant grace and mercy. How it will happen- I have no idea. There is such a large financial obstacle between here and August, but I trust in his sovereignty.

Its funny how often we wrestle with God. And rarely is it over the day to day activities but rather the large decisions we wrestle with God and his sovereignty and we wrestle with ourselves and our trust in Him. I wrestle through my plans and desires. But sometimes, there is a time to wait...

Home Sweet Home

Oh how good it feels to be home! To cuddle up in a blanket, watch a Christmas movie, drink a hot cup of tea, and do NO HOMEWORK! What a blessing to be in such a wonderful home. Tomorrow, a wonderful day of shopping with my Mom! I love Christmas break. Free, from the distractions that school brings and the ability to laugh with my family, devote time to Studying Scripture, and preparing for South Asia. I can't wait for this break!

Psalm 116:5-7

The LORD is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion

The LORD protects the simplehearted;

when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the LORD has been good to you

Praises with joyful lips

Psalm 63 has been one of my favorite psalms for a very long time. On many occasions this song of intimacy has been the cry of my heart that my mouth can't seem to express. It is a psalm of pure thanks. One that cries of desperate longing for the Lord. It is a psalm that exuberates the groanings of the soul as it waits to be before the throne of its creator; declaring Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty!

It is this psalm that I find myself at today; not because of the mountain top but because of the weariness of my soul. However, this psalm reminded me of the joy of the Lord. Tomorrow night I am speaking to a group of girls on the Joy of the Lord. I found myself asking God how I could speak of the Joy of the Lord when I simply felt so weary. The Lord brought me back to Psalm 63. He reminded me of what I had learned as a child in Sunday School. "Is Joy the same as being happy all the time? No. It is the contentment of our Soul, the outcome of our worship to the King." And I suppose that was the reminder I needed of the deep contentment within my soul, brought on by peace with my maker through my relationship with Jesus Christ.

"And in the shadow of your wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." In the shadow of the wings of our God we can sing for JOY! The clinging of my soul to the Lord and knowing that his right hand upholds for me, I sing for JOY! Praise our Lord and God for he upholds us in our weakness and in our strength! As I was reading I felt the prompting of my heart. The Lord reminding me to trust Him! Proverbs 3:5,6 has also been on of my favorites over the years. "Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart! Lean not on YOUR OWN understanding but IN ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will direct your paths." How can we have the Joy of the Lord? By trusting in Him. Sounds easy enough... but in order to trust I have to give over everything to the Lord... everything I am still holding on to (or keep taking back!) When I trust in the sovereignty of my Lord the Joy of the Lord overflows within my heart. The circumstances of Today are of no worry because the circumstances of eternity are secured. In the Lord I find Joy!

"Thus I have seen you in the sanctuary, to see your power and your glory. Because your loving-kindness is better than life, My lips will praise you. So I will bless your name as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in your name. My soul is satisfied as with the richest foods, and my mouth offers praiseswith joyful lips."

Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul

^{Psalm 103: 1,2,19,22}

1 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,

¹⁹The LORD has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.

²² Bless the LORD, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Another Thanksgiving is over and what a wonderful time it was! There are so many blessings to be thankful for! While I realize that this is a stereotypical post for this time of year. I can't help but put in my two sense of the blessings that God has poured into my life.

I am so thankful for my family! What a wonderful family that I have been blessed with! Each member of my family holds such a dear and special place in my heart. My mom and dad, the most wonderful parents I could ask for! I am so blessed to have parents that through living with them spurs me on in my relationship with the Lord. They leave behind a heritage of faithfulness-that I follow. And my brothers make living everyday an adventure. I love that each of them desires the Lord first in their relationships and seek after Him in all that they do. Times with my family are dear and precious and I love every morning I get to wake up with them! Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul!

I also have to add the sweet and dear friends the Lord has placed in my life that have become like family. These friends push me in my walk with the Lord, they challenge my thinking and my biblical foundations. I am so thankful for the challenge and encouragement that they pour into my life. They exemplify Christ to me! Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul!

However, my family and friends wouldn't be the blessing that they are without my Lord and Savior. The one who has seen fit that while I was turned away and wanted nothing of the One True God, picked me up, and adopted me as His child. To Him I am so thankful! To see the world through His eyes rather than my own. Bless the Lord, Oh my Soul

His Child!

Psalm 63:1-8

O God, You are my God; I shall seek you earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You, In a dry and weary land where there is not water

Thus I have seen you in the sanctuary, To see your power and your glory

Because your loving-kindness is better than life, my lips will praise you.

SO I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in your name.

My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and with my mouth offers

praises with joyful lips. When I remember you on my bed, I meditate on You

in the night watches, For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your

wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

What more to write but that GOD IS GOOD! His loving-kindness is better than life! That He, the creator of the universe and savior of my soul would choose me as HIS child! I feel as though I could shout it from the mountain tops and at the same time weep at his footstool! I am so unworthy and He is so good!

Today I got my official email. I am going to South Asia and my financial packet is in the mail. Half the journey is over and a huge half still awaits. Except... it was God that picked me up and put me on this chosen path. He WILL provide because this is His plan, not mine. Lord Jesus I praise you! For YOU are good!

The Lord is Sovereign and His Timing is Perfect

"Never undo in doubt a decision made in faith."- Dr. Jill Jones

My sweet and dear professor wrote this phrase to me in an email just before she died this summer. She was a living testament of the truth within these words. As I plug along in my journey to South Asia; I am reminded of these words each and every day. The choices that God has called me to make and has sweetly ordained the path for, I am not to undo in doubt. But rather walk forward in faith and run hard after the vision He has given.

This week I quickly began to unravel the decision that the Lord has led and called me to. As fears began to creep in and the weight of the world fell heavy upon my shoulders I undid in doubt. There are times in my life that the Lord's hand is heavy on my life. I desire Him with every fiber of my being. It is easy to see the Lord working and I wake up and can't wait to spend time in the Word. I fall asleep and wake up talking to my Savior. (I even find myself talking to Him in my car and while I get ready in the morning- sometimes it I scare even myself!) These times are filled with conscious joy and contentment. Then in an instant, its gone. It feels like I have blinders on. I have to discipline myself to wake up and spend time with my sweet Savior, push through each day and praise Him at the end of it. I feel alone and lonely. This week... has been the latter. A week where I am continuously reminded of my sin nature and I have to continuously discipline my body. However, in the midst of my week and resorting back to my own pride and taking the lead of my life back into my own hands. In the middle of that kind of week-The Lord sent me a reminder. As I began to worry about the money of getting to South Asia and my own inadequacy. I was stopped in my tracks and reminded that He is Sovereign and His timing is Perfect!

In the words of my roommates- Here is what had happened-As I got home yesterday, slightly discouraged and the journey seeming so far away. I was brought to my knees in humility as I was reminded by the verse written on my wall.

Isaiah 55:9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts says the Lord. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

It is not about me! Its not about how I think I am going to get there. He has already ordained the way and moved in the hearts of his people long before I know or will know. Within moments of putting my hands in the air and giving the pathway back to the Lord, I noticed an envelope on our kitchen table. (Its funny how He always brings us to the point of repentance before He shows us how He has worked.) The envelope contained a card from a girl I had met at a conference for Liberty Students that had committed to long term missions after graduation... which I might add had been a huge blessing! Anyway, It was a note of encouragement and my first check towards my trip! What a blessing! I sat staring at the card and kept saying- God is so good!! See, this card was sent at the beginning of the week, before I had even come to the point of repentance. Before I even began to worry and take back control- the Lord had already prepared that moment. The moment that because He is God and I am not- He knew would be a day of weakness and in need of desperate reminding to continue on and keep fighting! God used this girl-which I might add must have been a HUGE sacrifice for her! to bless me... Oh what a Good God we serve!

the Lord is Sovereign and His timing is Perfect!!

In His Grip!

The Continued Good Work

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer-self is wasting away, our inner self being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Today I ran across this verse. It was one of those sets of verses that were not the main text of my devotions but as the day progressed I found them continuously coming back to mind. What an encouraging reminder. That as each day progresses and we come one day closer to spending Glory with Jesus we grow to be more like Him! Praise the Lord that though each day we physically waste away it is our soul that is eternal and becomes more like Jesus each day. The encouragement comes in our relationship with Jesus and becoming more like Him.

However, in the midst of this encouragement came a challenge. The unbeliever. These verses reminded me that while each day I come closer to spending glory with Jesus; the unbeliever deteriorates in both soul and body! While I know that this isn’t the point of this passage, I couldn’t help but be challenged of the contrast of myself as the believer becoming renewed. The comforts of today are simply that… comforts of today… But tomorrow, nothing is guaranteed for the unbeliever except Hell for eternity. How could we not share? God has been so good and gracious to send his son.

We take heart for though we physically waste away we are renewed day by day! To God be the Glory! Out of the goodness and grace that he has poured over us… we choose to share with others; bubbling out of His love! No matter the earthly affliction, God is still good and his mercy still abounds for we still have eternity with our Savior…So do not lose heart.