Sacrifice to Blessing

It's been a whirlwind three months since I have even considered blogging...so much for my new resolve to blog more frequently! But here is what I have learned these months. God is faithful and God is good, He lavishly pours blessing out on His children. It took me a long time to believe that my God; the creator of the world, cared so intimately about me... a sinner in desperate need of His Grace.

Somewhere in the last year, my heart changed. I began to cling to His promise and embrace the truth of His Love! As my heart changed I began to change...my time with Him became so intimately precious and rejuvenating. Going home this summer was treasured weeks. The Lord's outpouring of blessing. I met my handsome nephew, was refreshed in spirit, and was able to continuously declare who my sweet and Holy God is. I couldn't have asked or dreamed of more.

Now I am back and oh how precious it is. It is time filled, feet tired, and brain swamped moments and yet it is also joy filled, hope resounding, and love overflowing declarations. I have begun to realize that often times, the moments that I look up on as "great sacrifices" have turned into "great blessing." Some of the most difficult and painful moments have led to the sweetest and most rewarding endeavors. Coming to South Asia being one of them. As I boarded the plane for the second time I was overcome with the change of the second time around. The first time was sad, ok I teared up a little, and overwhelmed with all that I was leaving behind. But this time, I smiled as I anticipated what laid ahead. Knowing, because it always is, going to be much different than I expected (and it is). I looked with anticipation because the Lord has shown me that whatever is ahead He is faithful and worthy.The most "sacrificial moments" in my life have put me in a place to receive His precious blessing. So I look ahead....to whatever the Lord has.... knowing that when I feel the most "sacrificial" I am just being set up to receive the Great Blessing of knowing Him.

"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."   1 Thessalonians 5: 23-24

More than enough

It's one of those nights... too hot to sleep and the power is out...again. By 1 am you can only imagine all the different things that have run through my prayers at this point. From  honest pleas  of souls to be saved to selfish requests of mercy that the power would come back on. It's on nights like this ( and they have been a few too often lately) that I begin to ponder through the last year. All that God has done. How He has changed me, ways that I still need to change, and honest reflections of who I have seen God to be.

I suppose because it was the last day teaching my high schoolers this year, or because it's 1 am, or incredibly hot that I am more emotional than normal but I was looking through my prayer journal and stopped at the day I was leaving America. I was sitting on the plane and in my journal was begging God, "please, please... be enough." Don't send me and then not be enough for me. My pleading followed by the still voice of God saying... "I am." The longer I sat tonight and looked back I am so thankful to say that He is enough.  Often times we don't follow the Lord's leading or prompting because we are afraid that He is not going to be enough. I think of the number of times over the past 23 years that the Lord has prompted me to act in obedience in sharing His Truth, or in giving, or in acting in His spirit... and then  I stop... because I am not sure that He will be enough if I am rejected by the world.

But He is...  He is steadfast love, He is patience,  He is joy, He is peace,  He is faithfulness, He is hope, He is comfort, He is Almighty, He is ENOUGH... to forsake all earthly things for the sake of following Him.
He is more than enough....

A week with my mom!

I am Alive!!! It has been way too long since I have blogged!! I am far behind in every area of communication. Right in the middle of February I had a breath of exciting fresh air breeze in. My mom came to visit!! It was only a week but we packed every minute full!!

I helped out with our school's High School drama production The Lady Pirates of Captain Bree. I loved the time spent with the students doing som

ething we all loved. (outside of school... of course they love every moment in the classroom!) : ) On Friday and Saturday night my mom came not once but TWICE to the school's production! What a trooper! Friday night she came right from the airport. The kids were out of their minds excited to meet her and the three hours leading up to her arrival was filled with students asking when she would finally arrive every 4 -5 minutes. They came pretty close to being as excited as I was.

Saturday morning I took my mom to Hawkers. A market filled with western clothes that haven't been exported because of either defects or mass quantity. We had a blast looking at all kinds of fabric, bartering, and digging through the unknowns. My favorite moment was

when I asked the shopkeeper if they had more of a fabric. He said yes (with a head nod) and preceded to climb up piles of fabric, open a trap door in the ceiling, and disappear in the trap door

. Then down he came again with the material we had asked for. I didn't think anything of this until I looked over at my mom and saw her look of laughter/surprise. Oh the surprises that await in South Asia. I then took her to my favorite store called "moonshine" for some Diet Pepsi.

Sunday through Thursday I brought my mom to school with me. She surprised them with some special little treat bags. Sunday after school we went to one of our favorite orphanages. Monday after school we went to Aarong's where we loaded my mom up with souvenirs to take back to the states and had a delightful dinner on the Long's rooftop.Tuesday was a fun day! We had the day off school so we went down to Malumghat. It is only 60 m

iles away but takes 3 hours to get there. We took a tour of the hospital and enjoyed walking through the compound. We had a delightful lunch of chicken quesadillas with mango salsa. Ending the day with a trip to Heart House, a place where women who can't get a job; because of disabilities or being widowed, make homemade items. After a fun and exhausting day we made the trip home. Wednesday we had a wonderful day at school and my mom and I set up for our big "Snow Day!!" and ended the day with some quality time of my mom and I at an Indian restaurant. Then the fun on Thursday began!My mom and I set up my room to have a Mountain and snow background. We hung snowflakes all around the room and blew up frosty! Our final touch was a dvd playing of a fireplace. The students walked in to their first official "Snow Day!" We had coffee, cha (Bangla tea), brownies, cookies, chonachur (Bengali chex mix), marshmallows, and Games!!! The students did everything from make frosty, a modified snowball fight, and indoor volleyball; all to the crackling fireplace and snow falling. And of course it wouldn't be games if there weren't prizes. I think that my mom and I had as much fun as the kids!! We ended our day getting all dressed up in Sari's and going to a friend's wedding.

We ended our incredibly fun week with Bible Study, lunch, and packing. We made our final trek to Dhaka and had to say goodbye! I can hardly believe it's been 3 weeks since she has been here!! It was a whirlwind but blessing of a week! I loved that my mom threw herself into my life for a week and trudged through the Jet Lag to bless me with her love and encouragement on the other side of the world! What a sweet blessing of God she is!

Proverbs 31: 28 "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

Faith without works

It always amazes me of the power that is found when you sit before the throne of our King. No matter the turmoil that you feel or the distress that the world suffers around us there is true peace when kneeling before our Lord. As beautiful as this time is, I was reminded today of the power of our works. We cannot consistently remain in our quiet times with the Lord; at last we must get off our knees and do the work he has laid out before us. But oh how sweet and sustaining those moments are. It is the moments at his feet that give us the strength to stand up in the raging sea and declare His Glory with our works.

Matt 5:14-16

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

ESV

James 2:18-21

But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. 19 You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder! 20 Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?

ESV

Through our works the power and Glory of our God is revealed. Our faith is useless without the acting out of our faith. Do my works declare the God of mercy, grace, love, kindness, joy, peace, and power. The works that I do, declare who my God is... it is the proof of where my faith lies. I am far from a pure declaration of our Glorious God but how I pray that He will use me to bring himself glory. Each morning as I get off my knees may the Lord use the quiet to sustain me as He works in and through me in the midst of the raging the world. Oh my King be glorified!

Christmas....

It has been so long since I have blogged. Mostly because every time I look at my computer screen, I think, where do I begin? There are about 15 half started blog posts of the last month and a half. I thought that being here I would be even more inspired to write, but most of the time I simply feel at a loss of words to explain this vastly different world. All that to say, I have been a very bad blogger. But here goes the last few weeks.

I spent my first Christmas away from home. In some ways it was harder than expected and other ways easier. God was abundantly gracious as He always is and provided me with dear friends. We worked hard to carry on all of our family traditions here in South Asia. We did everything from Christmas movies, hot chocolate, matching pajamas, sleeping under the Christmas tree, making Christmas breakfast, stuffing stockings, and wrapping presents. Among our traditional moments we took part in the national traditions of Christmas as well including visiting homes on Christmas and going to church on Christmas day. I had a Christmas party for my 9th grade students. We had a blast and I had the chance to talk about the true meaning of Christmas.

There is something in being away from home that really makes you stop and think about the true purpose and meaning of Christmas. Without Christmas lights, Christmas music, snow, the hustle and bustle, the Christmas greetings, family, home, or the entire Christmas atmosphere; I felt that I had to strive harder to enjoy the Christmas season. For the first time I thought of the unromanticized version of the Christmas story. The fact that Mary probably felt lonely and scared. Her family wasn't with her, she probably barely new her new husband Joseph, she had just traveled hundreds of miles to Bethlehem. And I wonder if she wondered... where is God in the midst of this? Where is he? She stepped out in obedience to His will and yet everyone turned on her, she was alone with Joseph, and she was delivering in a manger. But God was there, right there with her. Never leaving or forsaking her; using her to deliver the Savior of the world. Oh how I pray that I would never forget the true purpose of Christmas. For the Son of God to come to this earth and live a perfect and blameless life. Fighting and conquering sin and temptation so that He could die on the cross perfect, taking on the sins of this world. Conquering death so that I might have a relationship with the father, be sanctified by the Holy Spirit and spend eternity singing His Glorious praises.

He has heard my voice

Psalm 116 : 1-2

I love the LORD, because he has heard

my voice and my please for mercy.

Because he inclined his ear to me,

therefore I will call on him as long as I live

8-9

For you have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling;

I will walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

15-19

Precious in the sight of the Lord

is the death of his saints.

O Lord, I am your servant;

I am your servant, the son of your maidservant.

You have loosed my bonds.

I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving

and call on the name of the Lord.

I will pay my vows to the Lord

in the presence of all his people,

in the courts of the house of the Lord,

in your midst, O Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord!

A year ago, I layed wide awake in my bed thinking about what this night would be like. The night before Thanksgiving. How far away from home I would be. I couldn't fully imagine it and yet somehow I had almost this melodramatic idea of the sacrifice it would be. While I miss my family with all of my heart, God is my Sustainer. He has prepared my heart for this day and in it I find peace and joy. It seems strange that 1 year later on the same night I would find myself wide awake. I am thankful for the past year. The testing of faith and trust. The joy of fulfilled prayers and longings. The peacefulness of this night, where I can praise God for knowing him better tonight than I did 1 year ago. For having gained just a glimpse of understanding and falling more in love with my King.

I "stumbled" upon this psalm the other day while I was reading in my journal of the year and a half journey of coming here. As I read the psalm, tears welled up in my eyes because I could not have expressed the journey the Lord has brought me on any clearer! God is so good! When I first arrived in this new place, there were so many new changes! I knew that this where God had me, there was no question about that! But how could I do this? The presence of the Lord seemed so far away and I guess I had thought that because I was stepping out in obedience that I would know his presence like never before. That I would somehow magically know him better. But as I looked around me I had comfort and peace but also an overwhelming feeling of "what have I gotten myself into!" I cried out before the LORD to have mercy on me! To give me peace and understanding! Day after day as I went before my King and Ordainer I grew in peace. He inclined his ear to me.

He is my constant! He is my provider! He is my sustainer! He is my everything! Looking back, I can declare with full confidence that He is everything and He is enough! He saved my very soul from the clutches of hell, chose me and molded me into his child. As he grows and sustains me he keeps me close when life is painful. He keeps my feet on the path and keeps me close by to keep me from stumbling. He gives me the strength and confidence in Him to carry on each day and declare His Glory! Because of all that I have seen I will walk before my Lord in trust having seen his faithfulness!

Filled to Remember

These last few weeks have been so filled it is hard to keep up on it all. We had a week off school for Durga Puja which is a Hindu holiday. During that week we left the city for a week in Malumghat. Which is 50 miles away but takes about 4 hours to get there. It sits right outside of a village and has a hospital where part of our team treats patients 24/7. It was a great week of rest and enjoyment with the rest of our team. It was a g

reat time of encouragement and fellowship all being together. It was also so informative to see all the extra tasks and jobs that our team has taken on. Praise the Lord for such dedicated people! Most of these people are doing the work of 4-5 people. They work hard and all to the Glory of God!

The week ended with the greatest experience since I have been in South Asia. I slept over an orphanage with a few other girls. There are 12 kids in the home and they are so deeply cherished and loved by their house mom and dad. They don't have much but they are clean, smiling, and joyous. Most importantly, they are developing a true relationship with God and learning the Truth. We all had dinner with many smiles and laughter even

though our language was quite the barrier. We sang songs to our hearts content, songs in our language and theirs, with and without hand motions, and we sang with all of our souls. Oh the joy of worshiping our God together! We played a few games and just enjoyed our evening. I went to sleep after tucking the kids into bed thinking that my heart c

ould not hold much more joy and the love I already had for these precious children couldn't possibly grow deeper but I was so wrong!

Their faith and joy does not match my own but rather far exceeds what little faith I

possess. Their dedication to Christ and their ways are an incredible challenge to my life. The last 24 hours was a true example of having the faith of a child. We woke up at 6am to the c

hildren singing praises and lifting prayers to the

Lord. They had already been up for a 1/2 hour reading their bibles and were now worshiping their father. These are children who wake up at 5:30am so that they can enjoy pure worship of their father before they go to school 6 days a week. How often do I not cherish the worship of my father enough to arise early and sit before his throne.

We surprised them at breakfast with the announcement that we were going to go the local water park! Some of the kids had never been to a pool before and others just didn't know how to swim. Fully clothed (because that's how we do swimming here) we headed off to the water park. We had a blast! We went down water slides, went in a wave pool, a playground pool, and tube slides. Every motherly instinct I have ever had was in me as I wa

tched "my kids" come down the slide into a pool of water they didn't know how to swim in but the joy and smile on their face was absolutely priceless. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing. After several hours at the park we trekked our way back home to a delicious lunch. I didn't want to leave- I am so thankful for such a sweet day. The children ar

e so loved, cherished, and taken care of at the home but when I l

ooked in their eyes or felt their clinging hugs I just wanted to sit there and hold them tightly back; reminding them of the love of their Father. Though their were traces of pain, their faces weren't those of the forgotten or of the pain stricken but sweet faces of the Redeemed trusting their Redeemer.

Through all the fun here is what my heart exploded with:

Faith and joy is not dependent on circumstances or people. It does not depend on what you have or who you know it is purely in the knowledge of God our father. Joy comes from obedience and knowing you are loved and chosen by the Father. As all that is around you changes nothing matters with your eyes fixed on Jesus. He will restore your broken heart and bring joy to your face. Children truly are an example to of faith. Oh to have the faith of a child as all around them crumbles and falls they fix their eyes and desire soly on Jesus trusting Him and His ways. Knowing that He loves them. Knowing that He has chosen them and He will not forsake his chosen.

In His Grip,

Jen